I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am full of burrito and curiosity
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
