She is in my trunk
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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