You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
