Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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