you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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