You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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