help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Four minutes until I can fart!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
