I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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