My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
