Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
