She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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