She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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