hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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