my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
