i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
