yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
