I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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