well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
