I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
