that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
