Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
