my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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