textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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