At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
3pm strippers are depressing
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
