somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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