I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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