i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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