i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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