my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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