so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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