if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
