Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
