So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he was CRYING into my vagina
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
