Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
