My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Two words: blizzard sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
