Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You ruined the universe
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
