this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
