that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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