I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Two words: blizzard sex
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
