How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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