Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
