Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
