I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
third nipple confirmed
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
