Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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