You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
