Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
