I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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