For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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