It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
