i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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