I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
