we're blogging at a bar
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
