You really coming over, don't trick.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
