She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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